Anxiety is more than just feeling nervous or worried, it’s a way in which our bodies and minds react to stress, fear, or pressure. Many people who live with anxiety notice physical symptoms like racing heart, muscle tension, or trouble sleeping; but there is also something deeper: the way in which it influences our daily life.
Psychologist Ángela Fernández explained in a video that has gone viral on TikTok that many people with anxiety share 3 very common personality traits. These patterns are not bad, in fact, society tends to value them in a positive way. However, when they are experienced in an exaggerated or without control way, they can become a source of distress and increase anxiety.
Today we are going to explain these personality traits and how they can be managed, so let’s get started with the first one!
1. Self-demand and excessive responsibility
The first trait the psychologist mentions is self-damen. This is when people make a huge effort to do everything perfectly, assume huge responsibilities, and want to always fulfil what’s expected from them. Since they were little, many of these people have been known as ‘’good’’, ‘’responsible’’, ‘’disciplined’’; and parents, teachers or bosses tend to value their compromise and effort. However, with the passage of time, this can become a burden.
When someone is too perfectionist, they feel like they are never enough and that’s when anxiety starts. ‘’What if it’s not perfect and it’s bad?’’, ‘’what if I disappoint them?’’ All of these questions go through these people’s minds because they find it difficult to accept mistakes or changes.
So, psychologist Ángela Fernández recommends them to learn to be flexible. Not everything can be controlled and we can’t always give our 100%, this is why accepting mistakes as a natural part of our lives can help reduce anxiety and live more relaxed.
2. Excess of kindness
Then we have an excess of kindness. Of course, being kind, generous, and helping others is something positive; but when this becomes an obsession leaving behind their own needs, it’s more of a problem than a positive trait. This happens when people tend to say ‘’yes’’ to everything because they feel they can’t say ‘’no’’, because they fear they are going to disappoint others or start a conflict.
With the passage of time, this attitude generates an emotional exhaustion since people spend so much time thinking about others that they forget about themselves. This can lead to a huge increase of anxiety because they live with the feeling of not having control over their own life.
The advice from the psychologist is to take actions and put limits. How? Start by saying ‘’no’’ because it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, you are just caring for your mental health and wellbeing.
3. Neuroticism and high emotional reactivity
The third and last trait is neuroticism. This is a very technical concept, but in simple words: it’s being highly emotionally reactive or sensitive. So, people with this trait tend to react with a lot of intensity to changes, unexpected events, or conflicts. For example, if a plan is canceled, this can affect them more than usual because they are very sensitive or nervous and their emotions change very easily.
For this, the psychologists explains that these types of reactions increase anxiety since the body and the mind are in a state of constant alert. This is why ángela recommends to include activities that improve calmness and stability like: yoga, walking, practicing conscious breathing, or just simply spending time resting.
Learning how to manage anxiety with compassion
We need to remember that these traits don’t mean giving up or labeling ourselves as ‘’anxious’’. We all have traits that, in excess, can lead to anxiety but the thing is that we all should know how to handle them by being more flexible and self-compassionate. And being able to recognize them can make living with less anxiety and more inner peace possible.