Death is one of the greatest taboos of the human condition. We know it’s there, we know it comes, but still, none of us want to face it. We live life as if it weren’t right on our heels with every step we take, and so, in life’s final moments, when the body shuts down and consciousness welcomes calm, many people (far more than we imagine) tend to repeat the same phrases. They’re not cries of fear or confessions, they’re four simple sentences that, according to Dr. Siddhartha Mukherjee, are repeated with unsettling frequency on deathbeds.
Mukherjee is a world-renowned oncologist and author, and he shared these observations during a commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania. But he didn’t speak as a scientist, rather as someone who has witnessed that moment in which life says goodbye many times (not his own, of course). His message was clear and powerful: we should all live in such a way that we don’t need to say those sentences at the end. Or at least, that we say them with peace.
The words that sum up an entire life
The first one is a universal phrase, though not always said in time. Why is it so hard for us to say “I love you”?
According to Mukherjee, many patients feel the need to reaffirm their love for their loved ones in their final minutes. The regret of not having said it more often is very common. This sentence is simple, but how much feeling does it hide? Human connection is the most valuable thing we leave behind when we go…
“Do you forgive me?”
Another phrase that surfaces often. Many say goodbye asking for forgiveness for mistakes they’ve carried for years. Mukherjee points out that this final act of humility should make us reflect: how many apologies have we postponed out of pride? How many times have we hurt someone and simply waited for that harm to fade away? Maybe it’s time to start saying it while we’re still alive.
“I forgive you”
Some die by freeing others from the weight of resentment. An unexpected relief for both the one who says it and the one who hears it after many years of burden. Forgiving isn’t forgetting, it’s letting go, and when death is near, there’s no time for chains.
“Tell me you love me”
Yes, in the last minutes of life, when the light is about to go out forever, many want to hear what they may have rarely heard in life, that those accompanying them on that final journey love them and have always loved them.
“Thank you”
Almost always, those who know they’re leaving want to express gratitude. To their families, to their doctors, to life itself. This final phrase is usually accompanied by a calm smile. “Thank you” is not just a closing: it’s a moment of full awareness of everything lived, the good and the bad.
Let’s not wait until the end
Mukherjee didn’t speak about these phrases for sentimentality. He did it to send a message to those of us who still have time. Live with intention, say what we feel, resolve what’s pending. Each of these sentences is a compass. It’s not about grudges or blame, and in that moment you don’t remember who crashed the car or if you argued too much over money. You remember the things you didn’t do and didn’t say, because in the end, that’s what we take with us when we go.
The author behind the message
Siddhartha Mukherjee is not a guru for Pinterest quotes. He’s a doctor who has accompanied hundreds of patients in their final days. His book “The Song of the Cell” was already a milestone in scientific outreach. But it’s his direct experience that gives this message its weight, and what a weight it carries.
Live well to die in peace
Maybe we can’t control how we’ll die. But we can decide how to live. Say “I love you” more often. Apologize without waiting years. Forgive even if it’s not easy. And say thank you, always. “Love and forgiveness, death and transition, waiting only delays the inevitable. Take life seriously, love and forgiveness have become meaningless trivialities, they’re words people have learned to laugh at…”
Make the most of life, love until it hurts, feel, live, laugh, forgive and ask for forgiveness, don’t let pride stop you, and above all, enjoy those around you as much as you can, because life doesn’t give notice. Don’t live waiting to ask for forgiveness in your final minutes…