Love is not always shown through hugs, nice words, or romantic gestures; love sometimes appears in a way that may feel uncomfortable or difficult to accept. Today, we are going to talk about that type of love that many people don’t know how to understand: when someone tells us something about us that bothers or hurts them.
It’s true that at first this might feel something negative, but psychologist Valle Rubio explains that we shouldn’t take it as criticism or rejection because honest communication is key to protecting relationships. So, let’s learn more about this issue, shall we?
Is it love to say what bothers you?
Many people think that if someone tells them ‘’what you did hurt me’’ or ‘’this bothers me’’ means that the person doesn’t love them anymore or that there’s a serious problem in the relationship. However, according to Valle Rubio, this is not true.
When someone feels confident to express that something hurts them, they don’t do it to reject or make other people feel bad. They do it because they care about the relationship and they want to continue with it in a healthy way. They are basically saying ‘’I want to be with you, but I need this to change’’.
Psychologist Valle Rubio explains that this type of message shouldn’t be seen as something negative, but as an opportunity to improve the relationship and better understand the other person.
Not a personal attack
One of the most important things we should understand about this message is that those words are not a personal attack. Most of the time, when we hear that something we do bothers someone, we tend to react with anger, sadness, or to defend ourselves. We think we are being judged or rejected.
Valle Rubio recommends changing that mindset. Instead of feeling the message is ‘’against us’’, we should think it’s an opportunity to improve the relationship by better understanding the other person.
Talking about what hurts you
Love is not about agreeing all the time or avoiding conflicts. Real love is also having difficult conversations. The psychologist highlights that talking from the heart, even when it hurts, is a way to care about the relationship.
The same way, Valle Rubio encourages people not to stay quiet when something bothers them because keeping what hurts you to yourself doesn’t solve any issue. It’s totally the opposite, it creates distance, discomfort, and resentment.
Silence means distance
Another key message is something we have just briefly mentioned: being silent can be more damaging than an uncomfortable conversation. When someone doesn’t express what they feel because they are scared of what could happen next, that’s when emotional distance starts in the relationship. So, talking with honesty, respect, and calmness is a great way to keep emotional connection alive.
Healthy relationships are not perfect
Valle Rubio reminds us that no relationship is perfect. Every relationship experiences some issues, misunderstandings, and uncomfortable moments. What makes them healthy is not avoiding issues, but the way in which people in that relationship handle them. Basically, healthy relationships are built on: honesty, communication, listening, and mutual respect.
Impact of the message
The psychologist posted a video talking about this on TikTok and it went viral, with so many likes and comments. Many people appreciated her explanation about something many people don’t quite understand: expressing that something hurts you doesn’t mean rejection.
Comments showed that many people feel relieved to hear that vulnerability is not weakness. Instead, it is a sign of trust and care. People want more open and honest communication, and they feel encouraged by the idea that love can exist even in difficult conversations.
So, remember: love is not about being perfect or avoiding hard moments. It is about honesty, care, and the desire to stay emotionally close—even when conversations are difficult.