Psychologist Ángela Fernández has gone viral on TikTok because of something she said about anxiety. She explained that anxiety doesn’t just manifest through physical or emotional symptoms, it’s also shown on some traits of personality. However, the most curious thing is that these traits are well seen by society – parents, teachers or bosses applaud them and even reinforce them. The negative thing of these traits is when they are taken too far that they produce emotional discomfort and anxiety.
Psychologist Fernández highlights three common traits that tend to repeat on those suffering from anxiety. So, let’s find out which are these traits she talks about and how we could learn to manage them.
1. High responsibility and self-demanding
The first trait the psychologist mentions is being overly demanding and responsible with yourself. These types of people are so responsible and perfectionist that they impose very high standards on themselves and they rarely allow themselves to make a mistake.
Since they were children, these people used to be applauded for being organized, disciplined and never causing trouble. However, when they are now adults, this constant pressure can become a trap: mental rigidity, and the feeling of having everything under control increase anxiety levels.
For these cases, the psychologist recommends learning to be flexible: leaving space to make a mistake, accept improvisation, and understand that everything can’t be under our control. Flexibility doesn’t mean being irresponsible, but gaining mental freedom to live with less pressure.
2. Kindness in excess
The psychologist also talks about the trait of kindness, but too much kindness. Being generous is a great thing, but many people with anxiety take this kindness too far because they put other people’s needs before their own. Why do they do this? Because they find it hard to say ‘’no’’ and tolerate more than they should, which can lead to exhaustion with the passage of time.
This psychologist also has a tip for this situation: start to put limits. Saying ‘’no’’ isn’t selfish, it’s about caring for your mental health. So, learning how to respect our own time and energy is essential to keep an emotional balance.
3. Emotional reactivity (neuroticism)
The third trait she mentions is neuroticism, also known as high sensitivity. This is when people feel everything in a very intense way, for example, a strong noise, a canceled plan, or a sharp comment from someone else is overwhelming for them. This makes them impulsive, anxious, and very sensitive to unexpected events.
To manage this, the psychologist’s advice is to introduce activities that make you feel calm in your routine. Why not try mindfulness, conscious breathing, journaling, or gentle walks? These activities will give you stability and resilience if you do them on a daily basis.
Psychologist Fernández insists on recognizing these traits
She highlights that recognizing these patterns doesn’t mean something negative to you, it’s the first step to learn how to manage them more consciously. Being self-demanding, kind, and sensitive are positive aspects, but the problem is when they are taken too far and they become traps that make anxiety levels higher.
The psychologist proposes that we should talk to ourselves with compassion and flexibility: we need to understand that we are humans, imperfect and mistakes are part of the learning process. This is what will help us reduce anxiety and gain wellbeing.
We all know that anxiety doesn’t appear for no reason, as psychologist Fernández says, this is mostly related to our personality and whether we manage our traits well or not. So, if you feel related to what she said, you have a few tips to start incorporating into your routine to reduce anxiety. Let’s get started!